Long before self-help gurus, there were dictionaries - and they weren't neutral. In 1604, Robert Cawdrey published the first English dictionary "for the benefit and help of ladies, gentlewomen, and any other unskillful persons," launching a genre built on self-improvement as much as language. We trace that thread through Johnson and Webster's competing visions of linguistic authority, the astonishing true story of the Oxford English Dictionary's volunteer army (including one contributor writing from inside an asylum), and the conduct manuals that evolved into modern self-help.